Creativity

My creativity has been just gone the past few months. No new photos or even ideas for photos. I have felt so drained- and physically I was so sick I really was. Add in some emotional drama to a double kidney infection and it's a killer for any sort of artistic thought other than "I think I'll wear black today. Lots and lots of black."

But this morning I was in the back room of my house, aka my "studio" aka my gym. After working out I found a leftover plastic butterfly from a set I had bought months and months ago with the hope of doing an entire butterfly series. and then BAM the first inkling of creativity I've felt in what what seems like forever was sparked. 

Just a little instagram shot. But it's a start.. hopefully for that butterfly series I started planning months and months ago. 

<3 Callie Lee

A Special Day

Man, I have been so behind on blogging lately. I started a new job a few weeks ago and it has been keeping me very busy and tired. The only photo shoot I have done lately was last week in my yard...taking pictures of a creepy doll I've had since childhood. 

The saying "you're so much cooler online" obviously does not apply to me at all! haha

But I do have an instagram obsessionthat I have been keeping up with. I'm sad spring is almost over. Our yard has been full of one type of blossom after another as you can see. :) 

****** 

For me, today, May 28, is one of the most special days of the year. Because it is Memorial Day and also because it is my two year anniversary to the love of my life, Devin Christopher Collins. This time last year, Devin had just returned home two or three days earlier from Afghanistan.

This year we do not get to spend it together- unfortunately the Marine Corps does not care so much about anniversaries!- but he called me last night the MOMENT the clock turned 12 and we talked about how important the past two years has been, how much our lives have changed because of each other, how blessed we are and how much we have to look forward to in our lives together.

My face hurt from smiling so much. I couldn't stop laughing. That boy literally gives me a high every time we talk- so you can imagine what it's like when we actually get to see each other.

And there's that moment, that happens quite often, when he is talking to me.

I can see him smiling over the phone and I can hear how much he loves me not in the words he is saying but in how he is saying them. It's a tone so full of warmth and love and kindness that it never fails to take my breath away. And though he may be miles and miles, or even oceans away, I feel how much he loves me. 

What else can I say? I'm the luckiest girl in the world. 

Smooth Skies and Blue Sails

2012 really is not shaping up to be the year that I thought it was going to be. I had some pretty high hopes those first couple months after the ball dropped.

Think smooth skies and blue sails...

...wait..

that doesn't even make sense right?

No wonder it's not happening.

I had a complete breakdown today. One of those "you-find-yourself-literally-sobbing-in-an-awkward-very-very-very-public-place-and-just-CAN'T-stop" type of breakdowns.

Playing the "I have horrible allergies" card pretty much goes out the window once you start gasping for air and your mascara has ran all the way down to your chin..

I've never had a "smooth" life. Maybe it's a myth that I've always held onto; something that I think I will always be able to achieve if only I work hard enough, am skinny enough, if my skin isn't broken out, if I give my all to every single who is important to me.

I hate categories. And I especially hate to categorize myself. But if you've caught on yet I will have a couple cocktails and I am either crying about the tragedy of life/the human condition or dancing in the middle of the street crowing to the wind.

My life has been one epic day to day battle for survival lately.

But. I am doing it.

Just me.

I am taking responsibility for MY own happiness. I am getting through every single day. Even the ones that come with public breakdowns. Or a bad breakout.

That's a victory. I own it. I am stronger than I think I am.

<3 Callie Lee


The photos above are not mine.

Congratulations :)

'Tis that time of time of year! 

I would like to give a special "Congratulations" to the beautiful sisters Allegra and Fena Scalleta on their engagements to two very lucky United States Marines!

Being in a long distance relationship is never easy; dating a grunt in the Marine Corps makes it even harder. My boyfriend deployed to Afghanistan last year with one of his best friends, Kevin Osborne.

Kevin's girlfirend, Allegra, and I found each other over Facebook and started texting each other daily. We shared lots of bad days, missed phone calls (LOTS of crying over that lemme tell you), and the happiness of getting those rare Skype dates or phone conversations with our loves. She made the deployment almost bearable. I am so grateful for her friendship through that difficult time. 

Thanks to God, both our men came home safe and Kevin proposed over Christmas leave! They are truly one of the most loving, beautiful couples I have ever seen. 

Allegra's sister, Fena, of Bella Sorella Photography, took their engagement photos. (Very few people are lucky to have an incredibly talented photographer as a sister!!)

Kevin recently re-deployed to Afghanistan. They plan on marrying when he comes home in six months.

But what could be better than one engagement?! 

Why two of course!!! 

Fena started dating one of Kevin's best friends, Taylor, last year. He proposed last week with a gorgeous antique rose-cut diamond ring that belonged to his great-great grandmother. 

Allegra and their mother, Concetta, took these magical and gorgeous engagement photos for the beautiful couple! For once Fena was in front of the lens and not behind it!

Two sisters engaged to two Marine friends at the same time? What could be more romantic and special?! 

Kevin is currently in Afghanistan and Taylor is deploying within the next week. There are few things more difficult than being separated from the one you love- especially when they have such a dangerous job.

It takes a special woman to commit to a Marine. To handle the distance, the fear, the lack of phone calls, having to accept that "no news is good news." Only true love can survive those hardships. 

And only a select few can truly thrive like Allegra and Kevin. Like Fena and Taylor. 

Kevin and Taylor are very, very lucky men. 

The two beautiful sisters, engaged to two best friends, showing off their rings!

<3 Callie Lee 

Jack in the Box

I have a confession to make. When I first bought an old Polaroid camera and 6 packs of Impossible film (which is NOT cheap) I was infuriated. Mad. SO angry. I could NOT figure out how to get them to turn out. I kept looking on flickr and Facebook and pouted while I stared at some remarkable, dreamy instant images.

A few wasted rolls of film later I almost gave it up. But I kept with it. And slowly started getting better results as I learned how to properly shield the images and how to use the camera.

And then last night the miracle happened. I produced two polaroid images that are MAGIC. I was literally on an adrenaline rush when I viewed what I had captured.

To the average human being these probably don't look like anything special. But to me (and maybe to a few other Impossible enthusiasts) they are gold. Those colors. The softness. The shadows... The same photo of a children's toy would be pretty damn dull and boring on a DSLR. But on a Polaroid it is transformed into a beautiful dream.

<3 Callie Lee

Fairies and Lilacs and Dream Catchers Oh My!

I feel like I am sounding like a broken record lately- but today was just another one of those bad days that lead into strings of bad weeks. I woke up really late, around noon, in a pretty foul mood and decided to relax and take some photos.

Then the inevitable happened. I tried winding up a roll of 35 mm film I had been using for the past month or so..and I ripped it. Had to open up my Holga and expose all those exposures to full sunlight. Hello temper tantrum! Thank you digital age for making a simple toy camera seem like ancient runes!! Ah well. I'm new with film and it happens to the best of us.

I did shoot a few polariods I really love.

Dream Catcher. I have horrible nightmares and have been wanting one for so long but authentic ones aren't easy to come by. My boyfriend surprised me with one on his last visit. 

"The Plains Indians say the good dreams work their way through the hole in the center, rest on the feather like a dewdrop, and evaporate to the Great Spirit in the Morning Sun. The prayer beads on the Dream Cather trap all the bad dreams that are left on the web. The prayer beads then burn them up."

I received this extremely creepy doll from a friend of my mom's years ago as a girl. I always HATED it. It scared me- and I was never the doll type of little girl (I always preferred playing James Bond). Somehow I never threw it away and it's turned into a fascinating prop for me. 

"When you believe in magic- there you will find it."

There are the most beautiful lilacs blooming in our front yard right now. They symbolize the beginning of spring and new love. I am dying to find a wonderful lilac perfume but it doesn't seem easy to come by. If anyone can suggest one I would be so grateful!

Well off to bed for my lovelies!! Good night. 

<3 Callie Lee

"the girl who had butterflies for skin"

I came across the post "the girl who had butterflies for skin" on the blog 'katie and the mimzy' tonight.

Oh boy. My jaw is still wide open. So magical. Ethereal. And those light leaks! I think I've died and gone to photo heaven.

Please excuse the short post. I must spend the next hour obsessing over the rest of Katie Eleanor's blog and photo stream.

<3 Callie Lee